الأربعاء، فبراير 15، 2006

أنا بأكره ويندوز .. و أقولها لو أتسأل!

دي تجميعة من الحاجات اللي لقيتها عن ويندوز
ملحوظة : للمتخصصين أو المهتمين فقط!


(1)

Undocumented windows errors:

WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now
in every file
WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong
WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent
on hardware
WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass
fragments
WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what
has happened
WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB
WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Rame needed. More!
More! More!
WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this
happened
WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our
developers
WinErr: 011 Window open - Do not look outside
WinErr: 012 Window closed - Do not look inside
WinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh ?
WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think
of.
WinErr: 018 Unrecoverable error - System has been
destroyed. Buy a new one. Old windows licence is not
valid anymore.
WinErr: 019 User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
WinErr: 01A Operating system overwritten - Please
reinstall all your software. We are terribly sorry.
WinErr: 01B Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this
error. Next time you will get a penalty for that.
WinErr: 01C Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be
inadeqaute.
WinErr: 01D System crash - We are unable to figure out
our own code.
WinErr: 01E Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And
wait. And wait.
WinErr: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our
developers.
WinErr: 020 Error recording error codes - Remaining errors
will be lost.
WinErr: 042 Virus error - A virus has been activated in a
dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks
will automaticly be closed and the virus will be activated
again.
WinErr: 079 Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not
been installed. Please click the left mouse button to
continue.
WinErr: 103 Error buffer overflow - Too many errors
encountered. Next errors will not be displayed or
recorded.
WinErr: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you
want to play another game?
WinErr: 683 Time out error - Operator fell asleep while
waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.
WinErr: 815 Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 Bytes
available


(2)


The Top-14 ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars.

1.A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until
AFTER that year, instead of before.
2.Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd
have to buy a new car.
3.Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, you'd
have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would
just accept this.
4.You could only have one person at a time in your car,
unless you bought a car '95 or a car NT, but then you'd
have to buy more seats.
5.You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.
Wait a sec, it's that way NOW!
6.Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar
powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran
on 5% of the roads.
7.The oil, alternator, gas, engine warning lights would be
replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
8.People would get excited about the "new" features in
Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been
available in other brands for years.
9.We would still be waiting on the "6000 sux 58'" model to
come out.
10.We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas (tm).
11.Lee Iacocca would be hired on as Bill G.'s chauffeur.
12.The US government would be GETTING subsidies from an
automaker, instead of giving them.
13.New seats will force everyone to have the same size
butt.
14.Ford, General Motors and Chrysler would all be
complaining because Microsoft was putting a radio in all
its models.

(3)


Microsoft slogans

Double your drive space: delete Windows!

Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Hey, neither did I!

Windows Multitasking: screwing up several things at once

Windows: just another pain in the glass

Windows NT: Windows Nice Try

Windows: Turn your Pentium into an XT...

Windows: The Gates of Hell

Windows: The colourful clown suit for DOS

Windows: so intuitive you only need 3Mb of help files

Windows: XT emulator for an AT

Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A and press any key to
empty

Windows is for fun, OS/2 is for getting things done

Windows 95: New look, same multicrashing

Windows isn't a virus, viruses actually do something

OS/2 VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? [Y,n]"

Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail

Windows: From the people who brought you EDLIN

Time on your hands? Get Windows!

Microsoft Windows: a virus with mouse support

Sorry, this virus requires Microsoft Windows 3.x

A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle

Are you using Windows or is that just an XT?

Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows

Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore ...

Bugs come in through open Windows

DOS 6.0 and Windows 3.1: a turtle and its shell

DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows 3.1

Data to Picard: "No Captain, I do not run Windows."

Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance

Error 005: Windows loading. Come back tomorrow

Have you crashed your Windows today?

If Windows is user friendly, why do you need a 678 page
manual?

Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile

New from McAfee - WinScan: removes all Windows programs

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